Wherein Two Beccas get inked, get stuffed, get show’d and, of course, get drunk

You Gotta Git Up, Git Out and Git Somethin’

Atlanta’s Goodie Mob might’ve said it most famously, but ain’t nobody lived it as well as actors in LA. The second annual Hollywood Fringe Festival is so official, you should screw stalking Hollywood and Highland in order to gawk at D-list celebrities desperate to extend the shelf life of their expired (non)celebrity. The Fringe can be just as sleazy, anyway; and you can justify it ’cause theater’s high art. Even if you’ve been face down on a casting couch, everybody’s a little bit of a snob sometimes.

Brew, Do, Tattoo
Yeah, the freaks come out at night, but June gloom is lifting, and LA’s so lovely during the day. Get your coffee at Groundwork on Hollywood and Cauhenga, then walk up the block for some Hairroin. NO, crazy, not drugs, the very hip yet chill salon owned by Janine, one of the final contestants on that Bravo show about cutting hair. Or walk the other way, towards Fountain, for real needles and a hell of a souvenir: Kat Von D’s High Voltage Tattoo.

On a Roll
We’re not here to pimp reality television stars, really. In fact, make like you’ll never be in front of any kind of camera again and feed your face at All About the Bread, just a salami’s length from Fringe Central. Loaves baked fresh every 30 minutes, pastrami comes from the East Coast, and we’re officially done trying to convince you. Or, if your lazy bones 86’d the “morning” part of our PAINSTAKINGLY constructed itinerary, you can get French toast the size of your head all day at Grub. Shit is artisan, y’all.

Woolf at the (Stage) Door
Okay, Fatty, let’s go see some shows. Because schadenfreude courses through our veins like diesel through an 18-wheeler, our first stop is gonna be the ripped-as-hell Not Man Apart Physical Theatre Ensemble’s Rock in Her Pocket (Theatre Asylum, 5:30 pm). Young company members Alix Angelis and Vincent Cardinale have constructed a deep, dark comedy based on the life and work of Virginia Woolf — and they’ll be serving tea and cookies, just to remind us who’s fit and who’s not.

Grilled Holes, Then Frolic
Fringe will feed you, too, with a bunch of food trucks. Hungry Nomad! (Flatbreads!) White Rabbit! (Filipino fusion!) We know that French toast is a distant memory, so Flatiron truck will hook it up with free grilled donut holes and creme fraiche. Fan-cee for ya fat azz.

It’s always the right time to drink in a Hollywood dive. What we love about LA bars: no windows, strong drinks, free snacks to sober you up before you drive home. One of our favorites is the Frolic Room. You could walk around the corner to Bardot, but why? You like velvet ropes guarding old It bars?