And Another Thing: Theater Joke Countdown #5-3

The end is near: Here are three more installment in the seemingly neverending series. Enjoy.

5.

Q: How many non-union stagehands does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold it and the other to hammer it in.

4.

A theatrical agent is walking down Broadway late one night when he runs into the Devil.

“Let’s do a deal,” says the Devil. “I’ll make the next of every one of your clients a smash hits, your fees will double and you’ll have the pick of any chorus boy or girl you want.”

“Well,” says the publicist, “what do I have to do in return?”

“Well, all you have to do is give me your soul and the souls of your children.”

“Wait a minute,” the agent says cautiously, “What’s the catch?”

3.

A lead Broadway producer gathers his investors for a meeting.

“First of all,” he tells him, “We’ve got Menzel in the lead.”

The investors are overjoyed: “You got Idina Menzel?”

“Well, no,” the Producer responds, “we got Marlena Menzel. She’s done a lot of stock. And she’ll be great opposite LuPone.”

“You got Patti LuPone?”

“No, it’s Frank LuPone. He was the king of Milwaukee theater in the 50s. But,” he says enthusiastically, ” we’ve got Streisand and in a singing role.”

“Barbara Streisand returning to Broadway?”

“No, Becky Streisand.” The Producer responds. “But she’s done everything in dinner theater. She’s flexible. And we round out that cast wtih Goulet.”

“You got Robert Goulet?” asks the investors.

“Yeah,” the producer says, “we got Robert Goulet.”